Apparently it's not enough for me to have hated my BSc, immensely disliked my MSc and to have encountered several health problems over the past few months. A less resilient person might have thrown in the towel by now, but I get by by telling myself that compared to 99% of the world I have it very good indeed (which is still true), and of course, there was one thing which seemed to be going well and that was my medicine application. I got a UKCAT score on the 90th percentile and invites to all my interviews. I told myself that the hoop jumping, endless waiting and putting my future and career in the hands of the admissions tutors would all be worth it in the end.
Or not. After 5 months of umming, and ahhing, falling behind in my MSc due to interview preparation and of course, endless amounts of continued chronic stress and anxiety (which I've long been advised to cut down on), Barts and The London have rejected me for their 5 yr degree. To some extent, this is no great surprise since the interview did not go well at all, but all the same, I was secretly hoping that they would see beneath my nervousness and that in fact their grilling was some subliminal technique to see how I'd react to stress, and that maybe by some fluke, I'd land an offer. Clearly I was wrong. My nervousness got the better of me, and their grilling was just that, and I failed to live up to their expectations.
When I opened Track and saw "unsuccessful", there was a split second of physical pain in my chest, which quickly subsided, only to be replaced by a dull, heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, which still hasn't gone away. So now my chances of getting into med school have now dropped quite significantly, I would do what I normally do which is to get roaring drunk and try and forget about it all, but of course, I have a massive pile of boring, pointless MSc group work still to do. Joy of joys, I get rejected from what I want to do, and forced to do what I hate. What a fantastic life the Grumpy Biomed has.
In my previous post I said "I can't keep up the Grumpy Biomed gig for much longer without a glimmer of hope, a sign that possibly things might be improve soon"...well it looks like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting fainter, leading me ever closer to going off the rails at my complete frustration at life and how utterly crap it's becoming again.
I really do hope that the next few days bring better news, but let's be realistic, if I get rejected from Warwick, I'll almost certainly be rejected from the BL GEP too (interviews were joint and BL has less places), and my personal statement is hardly Pulitzer Prize winning material so that's probably Southampton out too. And that's the lot. One rejection isn't the end of the world, but when two of your other choices are linked together, and the other has a highly arbitrary selection procedure, it's a bit hard to feel optimistic. In short: I'm screwed.