Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Unreal rejections

Currently listening to: My Body is a Cage - Peter Gabriel

So today began like any other Tuesday. Being one of my "days off" I wasn't obliged to get up for a 9AM start like I will be tomorrow. So I awoke comfortably from my golden slumber rather than to the harsh sounds of my mobile's alarm. Wake up. Brush teeth. Wash. Open curtains. Stare out across the mid morning London skyline. Turn on computer.

That's been the daily morning ritual for a fair few years now, though since October when I sent off my medicine application, after turning on the computer I immediately check the Holy Trinity: email, UCAS Track and New Media Medicine. Like any other morning for these past six weeks, I log on. Two new emails from Barts and The London. Heart stops for a minute. Open them:

"Dear Grumpy Biomed

We regret to inform you that your application to our A100 and A101 programmes for MBBS medicine will not be considered any further at this stage. Thank you for considering Barts and The London SMD and we wish you every success with your future applications.

Yours sincerely,

Admissions"

Numb. Shocked. Crushed. Hopeless. Some of the words to describe how I felt reading those cold, unfeeling words in that email. This was my first choice and it had rejected me after only 6 weeks. But something doesn't feel right. My mind is telling me that this can't make sense, and that I can escape from this nightmare.

I jolt awake. Daylight is streaming through my curtains. My radiator is on full blast as I forgot to turn it off last night before I fell asleep. I feel sluggish and stupid but I start my computer immediately. No new emails. No Track updates. I haven't been rejected.

I don't usually have nightmares. I tend to have a lot of lucid dreams so I usually manage to transform any dream which feels nightmare-ish into a happy one. I couldn't do that last night, so in a strange way I've just experienced the feeling of a first rejection...but luckily it wasn't real.

I suppose I'm a bit surprised that it's taken 6 weeks for the first symptoms of stress to manifest...but lately I have been having sleep problems, incessant thoughts about interviews, rejections, acceptance etc. I just hope that I don't have to experience any more mock rejections in my sleep, because in that split second when I awoke and opened my eyes, I felt totally panicked.

11 comments:

  1. ARGH!!! Don't do that to me Grumpy! I thought you actually had rejections then!!

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  2. Anon, my words exactly. >_< On a slightly happier note, I have a website to add to your list of what to check. The Student Room, in particular the Medicine Forums http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=195
    There'll be a subforum for the medical schools you're looking at.

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  3. Grumpy.. if i knew you in person, this would probably deserve a punch in the arm! ~.~ had me worried at first!

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  4. Sorry guys, it was pretty realistic though...like my immediate thought upon waking up was that it *had* actually happened. Not fun. Really can't wait til this is all over and done with >_>

    @ILHC: Thanks, I'll have to look at that!

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  5. Just read through your blog, took me a while!
    (I really need to stop finding new things to procrastinate with...)

    Wishing you the best of luck getting into medicine this year, you deserve it! ^_^

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  6. Oh man, I had so many of these dreams during the application process. Then again when I was waiting for my degree result. Horrible.

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  7. @Arsenic: Thanks, all the best to you too. I hope my blog provides many hours of happy and productive procrastination for you ;)

    @TGM: Dude, tell me about it. Seriously cannot wait til this is all over. Something a fair few med students have told me is that applying for medicine is actually more stressful than studying it. So far I'm inclined to agree :/

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  8. I agree with the above - the application is the most stressful part. At least once you are in, they want to keep you there (unless you are at Birmingham... :P)

    That was a pretty shocking start to the blog... Don't you dare do that again! :P

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  9. Gosh, I thought they were real rejections too! It's pretty normal to have dreams like this, at least they weren't real. Therefore, so far so good. :)

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  10. Blimey I thought you had real rejections then for a second! Sooooo glad it was just a nightmare!!!

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  11. OMG! You like crushed me! I was feeling horrible :S good thing it was just a nightmare though !
    Hope it never comes true! :)

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