Currently listening to: A Whiter Shade of Pale - Procol Harum
I'm starting my MSc at Barts and The London in a few days. I've taken various modules at BL over the past three years, but this is the first time I'll be an actual student here and I'm really looking forward to it. Obviously being affiliated with QMUL (where I did my BSc), it's all very familiar. So familiar in fact that over the past few days I've bumped into some of my old classmates from biomed who are now doing medicine at BL.
Afterwards, thinking about it, I suppose it struck me that once again I'm stuck on the outside looking in. This is the second time in my life I've had to watch my classmates move onto medical school whilst I go off to do something else, the first time being after sixth form. And it really does suck. It's not that I dislike my current degree, or that I'm ashamed of what I do (anyone who knows me will know that I'm quite a proud person), but it is a bit frustrating to be constantly left behind as everyone else seems to progress to what they want to do. This isn't me being jealous or envious of my old classmates; they worked hard, and they deserve their places at medical school. It's not even anxiety or depression; I'm now closer to medicine than I've ever been before. I have a decent UKCAT mark, a good mark for my degree and my application is coming together. I suppose I'm just a bit annoyed that I have to wait nearly an entire year to get started with what I really want to do (if I get in that is), and I sometimes do wish things would just work out like they do for everyone else and not be such an uphill struggle. And if I was really honest with myself, I suppose there's a small worry that if I didn't get in this year, I'd be left behind again, which would be quite unbearable tbh. I'm just a little bit tired of doing things I like but don't love.